Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
