I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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