she woke up with a sticky ear
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
