Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
