I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My hand turned me down
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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