So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
