Even water is tasting like jack daniels
worst night to have a conscience
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize