I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
