When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
false alarm, still single
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