Please don't use social media to get back at me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
