Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
