no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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