she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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