somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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