Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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