New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
love makes seman taste better
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
