watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Houston, we have a squirter
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
