I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
