So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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