He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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