32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
