Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
