Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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