drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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