Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
