Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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