While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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