Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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