So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just gift wrapped bread.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
