I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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