After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
