I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
