Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
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Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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