What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize