i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
