Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
