i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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