also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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