Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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