I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When are your genitals available?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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