It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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