That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
