I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
