i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
