So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
