went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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