And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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