I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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