Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
