I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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