I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Couch. On fire.
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