Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
