i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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