Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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