We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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