A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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