she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
