u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
