i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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