Porn is love you can see.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize