so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
