i think my mom watched the whole time
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
