Umm I'm too high to move.
I puked a lego.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
