I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
