Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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