i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
it glows. i had to have it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
