Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
