I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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