If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
