Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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