i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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