No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
