we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
